After the CFC in House CrossFit Competition Tony (Trigger) a CFC athlete provided a run down of the day. To fully understand the brilliance/commentary behind this you need to be a CFC member/athlete. However, please read and see what the CrossFit Coorparoo Community is all about with some humor.
Written by Tony Trig
The Box is dark, and ready. The Boss and Coach Matt have done everything they can. It is now time for The Family to come together and WOD as one.
The Young Pup looks at the Big Dog, and dares to smile. He knows he has the old man covered, but although young in years, he is now smart enough to say nothing. The Big Dog, a picture of discipline, drinks only 5 of his 6 pack of beer, senses The Pup’s gaze, and growls. That low guttural growl of pain, when you realise that your boy is now better than you.
Henry Rollin’s spoken word murmurs in the background. The room is dark, and Old Man Dan sits and wraps his wrists. He unwraps them, and wraps them again. His tattoos glisten from the full moon shining through the window, and liberal application of baby oil.
The next morning, the sun rises on a glorious day. Pigs will be slaughtered, bacon will be eaten, it is the day of Crossfit Coorparoo’s Inaugural In House Competition. This is the unofficial, unauthorised and slightly fictional Recap!
The Family gathered for the briefing, and the competitive tensions started to simmer. The 5am crew looked as disdain at the 6am crew, who waste their life sleeping for another hour. The 6:15 pm Ultras sneered at the 4:30pm crew, surely they all work part time? The 9:30 Knitting Club kept to themselves, keeping their protein ball recipes to themselves.
Finally briefing came around, and The Family stopped to listen. I had my daughter with me, she looked across at Boe, “Who’s that Dad?”
“That’s Boe. He’s a real life Ninja.” She stared in amazement.
WOD 1 Ground to Overhead, Toes to Bar. A standard sort of Crossfit Competition WOD. Moving barbells, gymnastic movement, plenty of grip strength and the need to set your core.
WOD 2 Strength Complex. 3x Deadlift + Power Clean + Front Squat, all touch and go.
WOD 3 Chipper. Rowing, Kettlebell swings, Box Overs and some other movements that I have erased from my short term memory. Actually I remember rope climbs, because Georgia started giggling like a Spider Monkey.
The greatest thing about WOD 1 was the number of people who were doing their first ever competitive WOD. The Ladies lead the way. Monique Rocktape got through a metric s#!t load of work to take out the WOD, with Eliza and Libby only a couple of reps from each other in 2nd and 3rd.
To see Becci “The Good Boyce” so excited at completing her first competitive WOD was a site to behold. She had the realisation that so many of you had as well. Crossfit is hard. And this was going to be just as hard as any other day that I walk in that door, but I can do this.
Well, The Pup came out of the blocks firing, and posted an impressive 125 reps. This proved to be good enough to win the WOD. Yousers! How good has this kid got in the last few months? I pulled the Big Dog aside, “Should we start being nice to him,” I asked.
“Nah,” growls Big Dog, “got to keep him in his place.” Chris “The Last Mohican” locked down 2nd place in this WOD, I had the pleasure of judging the Mohican, and he was a picture of efficiency. Every set of T2B was unbroken, and the bar was always moving. The Ninja quietly slipped into 3rd. Half Reps Pat was 4 reps behind in 4th, poised for an attack on the leader board. It showed how every rep was going to count throughout the day.
WOD 2, now this is more like it. Let’s lift some heavy stuff. And heavy stuff is what Rocktape did. Leyanne backed up her magnificent 4th place in WOD 1 with a 2nd place. The Spider Monkey lifted approximately 173% of her body weight to take equal 3rd with Eliza. This was a great WOD to demonstrate how the CFC Family works for those who have not seen it before. Despite the WOD being designed to fatigue you before you hit the power clean, everyone was lining up for PB’s. The cries of, “Get up!” echoed through The Box, and most of Coorparoo. Athletes were excited about hitting big numbers, and everyone watching brought their own excitement or disappointment, depending on the result of the lift.
I won’t lie; I was looking forward to this WOD. I am member of the CFC Family who is one of the larger gentlemen. I like to call us The Big Unit. A couple of the members of The Unit were absent today, but Jason “HPC” Armitage was front and centre. HPC jagged 2nd place with a lazy 110kg lift. Magic Mikey was 3rd with 105kg. Little does Mikey know that his 115kg attempt spurred the Ninja on to lift 120kg! He saw Mikey’s bar at 115kg, and he knew he would have to attempt 120kg to win the WOD. Half Reps Pat and Trent “BB” Kingi shared 4th, both hitting near PB’s at 100kg.
It was all set for the final WOD, but first we had to eat. Thanks to the guys on the BBQ, and we all seem to avoid any “Special Sauce” comments from Garath the Half Man. Another thing to admire was that the comp was running on time. Thanks to the professionalism of The Boss, Coach Matt and The New Guy (Blake). This also is a great demonstration of the respect that everyone has for each other in the CFC Family. No piss wobbling, just get in and get the work done. Seeing Stokesy zooming around with her vacuum cleaner in between WODS just shows how lucky we all are to be able to gather in this space that is always ready for us.
Time for a Chipper, and in isolation none of these movements were going to trouble anyone. But back to back to back to back. This was going to hurt.
Going into the last workout Leyanne was 4 points behind Rocktape and Eliza was 3 behind. Eliza got to the rope first and held on to win the WOD, The Spider Monkey scampered up the rope, she was only 7 points behind on the leader board, could she get enough rope climbs in to out places between Eliza and Rocktape? Nearly, she tied with Rocktape for 2nd. We really need to acknowledge Shanna, who came up to me with that crazed expression that only those of us who are hard enough to train at 5am understand. “Let’s do this I’m ready. This will be my first Rx WOD,” she barked at me menacingly. She had her 5am Bestie, Tanya, beside her, and she ground out an Rx chipper. I’m sure there were a few times when she wanted to throw in the towel, but fellow 5am STB’s, KrisMac and MarkyMark just gave her the look. Not too dis similar to the look that Coach Matt gets trying to tell jokes at 5am.
Before the last WOD, Ninja had opened as small gap over the chasers. But the group of chasers was tight. Tighter than a [insert tight joke here]. Pup, Half Reps Pat, Magic Mikey and BB Kingi were all there or there abouts. The Last Mohican didn’t lift as well as he would have liked in WOD 2, but he was going to charge home as hard as he could. I was judging the Mohican and he said to me, “Keep an eye on Pup for me. I need to beat Pup.” I did what any self-respecting person would do in this situation: I lied. They hit the rope neck and neck, but I kept saying, “He’s one ahead of you, get back on the rope.” I don’t feel bad, I know HPC was doing the same to Pup.
There were a number of highlights for me in the Men’s. Seeing Magic Mikey leaning against the wall outside after doing 18 rope climbs. I’m not sure he was crying, but he looked like he should have been. Underbelly Steve had a look on his face that was a cross between 3 days of constipation and an amputation, without anaesthetic. “You know how I feel, now piss off.” I guess 14 rope climbs at the end of a chipper will do that. Seeing Sandbagger Price strut through the Box after posting an impressive 22 reps. Old Man Dan, stopping the sands of time to take 4th, proves that old age and treachery are still valuable skills. The undoubted highlight for me was having to tell Ninja that 22 reps was not enough, to get off the floor, and do one more rep. Can the QPS members in our midst please tell me how to get in to the witness protection scheme please?
With the WODs run and done, it was time to announce the winners. Rocktape, Eliza and The Spider Monkey taking their place on the steps. Leyanne was announced as the spirit of CFC award. I’m sure she would be the first to tell you how much of an hour that it is. To be singled out as the most positive and supportive person in such a positive and supportive environment tells you a lot about what sort of person Leyanne is.
The Ninja took top step on the podium, as per everyone’s expectations. He is a humble champion and I may have a little man crush on him. Magic Mikey was a deserved 2nd place. He was a shell of a man after each WOD, he left absolutely nothing out there. The Pup took 3rd. How good will this kid be in 1 or 2 years’ time? BB Kingi and I shared some downtime during the day. We spoke a lot of shit about sneakers, basketball and music. We looked around the room and both of us made the same comment. We all come from so many different walks of life and backgrounds, and none of us care. BB made the point that we all come together for one thing, and we share an hour of our life with each other every day doing that one thing, and we come back every day because it is such a great group of people to do that one thing with. I’m not sure if The Boss has an official “no dickheads” policy, but he has an eclectic positive and supportive group in this Box.
When he announced BB Kingi as the spirit of CFC award for the males, I could not think of a person who embodies the qualities of The Family more. My face also may have started leaking, so I went home.
I hope everyone enjoyed their 4th WOD beers, and again thanks for the volunteers for scoring, cooking and cleaning. Thanks to The Boss for creating something great, and letting me indulge in some silliness within the CrossFit Coorparoo community
